Posts Tagged LRT

Stories from cramped cars

Author’s note: This article was published in UPIU.com, on Sep. 14, 2010. The original page is here.

This is a feature article that details a few of the various amusing events I’ve experienced while commuting back and forth every day.

My classmate, who gave me feedback, noted that the tone was generally light, which was both boon and bane to the story. A boon because the article and the various stories contained within were easy to comprehend and appreciate, but a bane because the tone apparently made it seem a little too trivial.

He also noted that while the stories were entertaining and amusing, the stories I told were a little negative due to the fact 2/3 of them involved a potential crime. He said that it made my stories seem like warnings (which were part of my intentions) to those who are unfamiliar with commuting in Manila.

Other things include a suggestion to include a handful of data and/or statistics that could support the background of the story, and other fleshing out of the background. (In my defense, there were some parameters with regards to word count, and I was already running over the suggested maximum as is.)

A UPIU mentor also gave me some brief feedback on the story; he said that it did suit the feature or column genre better. He found it humorous.

The story can be read after the jump.

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